So I got tired of people watching me having an internal argument while thinking to themselves “Who’s this guy doing a bad De Niro impression for?” So what do I do? Well, with much encouragement from a friend, I decided to beg for your attention again while I lay bare my very strange thoughts on a silly topic.
What are we discussing tonight, you ask? Well, a recent discussion with another friend (look at me go, TWO FRIENDS) involved the song Colt 45 by Afroman. Immediately, anyone born from ’79 to about ’88 who is reading this dribble is now singing that song. It’s gonna be a fun day for you. You’re welcome. I will illustrate the point of the conversation and discussion by posing 1 question. If you’re singing, when did you learn the lyrics to that song? Specifically?
The silence is deafening.
NO ONE HAS EVER ACTIVELY LEARNED THE LYRICS TO THIS SONG. You didn’t Google that shit! You didn’t listen to it line for line, taking notes! How was this knowledge obtained?
The initial rap sesh involved the idea that anyone born within the aforementioned near – decade just inherently knew this song. Is it instinct? Baby sea turtles immediately upon hatching turn to the sea and start crawling. Is it a neurological/ biological thing? You do not have to think about breathing to breathe. Most people only think about breathing when their breathing is outside of the norm, but you are breathing every second of every day and night. Is it a shared consciousness/ hive mind situation? This is for the scientists to figure out. I don’t got the schooling for that. Just a dream, a big can of elbow grease and a buttload of raw talent and charisma.
Now through my own research, which included extensive interviews with former colleagues and associates of mine and several scientific experiments conducted on myself (the records of which will be available in hard back format with accompanying cd at Roses and Harris Teeters stores all across this great nation coming soon) I have postulated a new theory involving being heavily indoctrinated with the lyrics by repeated, semi-conscious or unconscious samplings of the song in regular, probably weekly or even daily (tragic), intervals. Basically we MK Ultra’d ourselves into those lyrics. Which begs the question: what else ous in there, waiting to be unlocked? (X-Files theme)
Fatty Wants His Lunch 
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